One of the first lessons I ever learned about swimming in the sea was…
Never turn your back on the ocean.
All it takes is one wave you don’t expect to catch you in its spin cycle.
Now mind you, my ocean-swimming boogie-boarding days were limited and very tame.
So the spin cycle at most got sand in some uncomfortable places.
I also learned that facing the waves head on wasn’t all that helpful, either.
Even watching them come and knowing they were about to break didn’t stop them from knocking me off balance. Not that that was especially hard… as I have one leg to begin with.
The way to stand when the waves crested was to turn sideways.
It gave them less surface area to impact. You got extra style points for jumping a little bit to enjoy their bounce.
Our world feels like a noisy, frenetic churning ocean right now.
The answer isn’t to turn my back and ignore it. Because there is information that I need to know to make good decisions and play my part. Especially as someone who writes and creates for a living.
Believe me, I’d happily Irish exit out the back to a cottage in the woods many days.
And for a day or two, I might do just that. But only for a day or two.
Neither is the answer to turn fully and stare at the waves as they relentlessly pound and knock me down. Hard pass there as well.
Doom-scrolling? No, thank you.
Emotional or panic buying? Truly not helpful.
Engaging with rage bait? No way ever. If you engage, you amplify. So please don’t feed the trolls.
Arguing with (ahem, over explaining to) strangers on the internet? Nope. I’m in charge of me. I don’t need to convince anyone of anything. Because my energy is worth protecting. Yours is too.
Filling our space with 24-7-365 commentary on the same 10.7 headlines is soul-sucking mind clutter.
Stuffing our days with following all the details we have no control over is building a prison of information, rather than empowering us with purpose and action.
It’s like daring the ocean to not knock you down, over and over and over again. Oh-yeah-fancy pants wave, I’mm’a’gonna show you.
So what do we do differently?
We see the waves and we turn sideways. Extra points if you hop a little as they pass.
How to Stop Breaking News From Breaking Us
Ok journalists, please don’t come for me.
We need your honest, brave reporting and accurate storytelling more than ever.
I am a news junkie as someone who is curious to a fault. And my go-to response in crisis is wanting to understand all the facts. I am FOR you.
But the 24/7 cable churn and never-ending breaking news notifications, are like waves in an ocean. Sometimes it feels like we’re drowning in a very different kind of spin cycle.
I’ve been thinking a lot about that.
Maybe the answer is to turn sideways. Not ignore facts. Not obsess over details we have no control over. Turn sideways.
Maybe resistance and resilience is to just turn sideways.
Perhaps there we will find both our purpose and perspective.
What might that look like?
Maybe it’s a stance of staying informed and choosing one thing to do around an issue important to you.
Maybe it’s helping a neighbor take her trash to the curb.
Calling your electeds on things that matter to you.
Plant pigeon peas as an experiment. My seeds just arrived a few moments ago. I’m going to toss them with abandon into my feral garden this evening as the sun sets and see what happens.
Paint a little something. Scribble a few thoughts. Bake cookies.
Have a cup of tea in the fancy china because you deserve fancy china.
Have ice cream in a fancy teacup because you can.
These are the things that help us not just survive in the waves, but thrive in them.
When I get overwhelmed, it’s usually because…
I am trying to do too many things at once. Mega-garage sale meets writing a book meets a YouTube channel meets, well, you get the idea.
I am looking way too far ahead. I cannot handle tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t here yet.
We cannot handle tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t here yet.
I am trying to figure it all out, aka feel in control of things that are important, big, and scary. Like not maybe having access to medical care in the near future and having to move states to fix that.
I am disconnected from myself. There is a reason why “flooding the zone” is such an effective propaganda tactic. It overwhelms by intent. And that overwhelm disconnects us from one another and often our own inner resources.
And in all of this… Wonder is a way back home.
To find calm in the churn.
To control what I can control.
To pick one big thing to get done each day instead of a to-do list that would take a week.
To keep reading good books and learning new things.
To try garden experiments.
To plan my driving route to MN.
To make a year’s with of laundry detergent for about $40. (It works SO well!)
To organize the hurricane pantry
To help the one person in front of me.
To not let any of the anger, fear, or cruelty out in the world right now change who I am or how I show up in my life.
To focus on the next right thing instead of trying to fix everything.
Just Do the Next Right Thing
This is a tender week for me. As I expect it may be for many of you. Mother’s Day is a wave set all of its own.
In 2020, my mom was making her own Irish exit, and the last movie we watched together was Frozen 2.
She giggled like a little girl with joy. It’s just like Broadway! For that moment, she was five and the cancer that was ravaging her body was a world away.
We got to the point where The Next Right Thing started to play.
Deep in the throes of anticipatory grief that literally felt like my heart was being ripped to shreds, that song hit me in the gut so hard it was all I could do not to sob.
I knew it was going to be my song in a matter of days, if not hours. And indeed it was.
Believe me when I say I cannot hear it or write about it without tears flooding to this moment. And I hope that never changes.
Tears are reminders that tenderness is strength. Tears are love in liquid form.
When the doctor told my mom she wouldn’t live to see Christmas, she defiantly stated she would make it to Mother’s Day. She did just that. And then she was gone.
These lyrics have held me these last 5 years. And they hold me in a new way where I am now.
Just do the next right thing Take a step, step again It is all that I can to do The next right thing I won't look too far ahead It's too much for me to take But break it down to this next breath This next step This next choice is one that I can make…
Lyrics from Lyrics Find
Because this song isn’t just about the gravity of grief, it’s a way through the overwhelm.
It’s a strategy to stand in the waves. It’s the path to build a dream and forge a future.
I am so very grateful for your presence here.
Turning sideways in the waves is no fun alone. But it can be a joyful riot with friends. We need one another more than ever.
So maybe we should break out some boogie boards and turn some of these waves into rides of delight. Because joy is resistance. Love is a revolution. Kindness is a superpower.
You are dearly loved.
Hugs from here,
Michele
Thank you so much Michele. Many of can use all the help we can get to keep from getting knocked over by that constant-seeming wave right now.
What a woman-declaring she’d hang around until Mothers Day and doing so! Be proud! And the way we remember keeps those who have left close by. 💕