Responsibility, Rootedness, & the Myth of Holding It All Together

Why you don't have to do it all

What would happen if we just let go? You. me. What would happen?

If we unfurled our grips, opened our fists, and decided we no longer carried the job description of duct-taping the universe together by the sheer force of our dogged determination.

What if the things we have been holding on to have become weights that are crushing us beneath their girth?

Things we were never meant to carry, pressing us down like a 100 lb backpack that never comes off.

What if the need to control (uchummm, be responsible) is the thing stunting our growth?

Because nothing grows without letting go of what it was before or what it is now.

What if being responsible is actually about response ability, the ability to respond?

Not a static weight of duty to be carried, but a dynamic dance to be lived out moment by moment.

And maybe that one shift in our perspective changes everything.

Roots are spectacular creatures. They can teach us so much about letting go.

Wait, what? Don’t you mean holding on?

Let’s think about a root.

How it grows down into darkness.

How it breaks up the soil and soaks up the nutrients and moisture around it.

Roots don’t control the soil, they respond to it.

If you’re new here, welcome! This summer we are on a group expedition of delight. To record one small wonder, simple joy, or moment of meaning every day.

Scribbled in a dollar store notebook. Snapped with your phone camera. Jotted down in a notes app. Sketched in a sketchbook.

Just one. Then 30 seconds of pausing and recording any additional thoughts in the moment itself. Done.

What Roots Can Teach Us About Being Responsible

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Sometimes… the things we try to shoulder wind up suffocating us instead.

Cutting us off from our creativity and separating us from our center.

Maybe… responsibility is better measured as the ability to respond rather than a checklist to be perfected.

(And to be clear, I’m not advocating being irresponsible. I’m suggesting responsibility might be better understood as being response able.)

Perhaps holding on to what is right now is keeping us from embracing what is about to be, and the growth we will need to step into it.

These are the things I think about while sitting outside staring at sunsets and watching life in my garden. 😉

Roots grow to a size that frequently far exceed the size of the visible above ground parts of the plant.

I have vivid memories of weeding the summer vegetable garden and flower beds with my mom when I was a little girl.

My very first lesson in roots was just breaking off the above ground part of the plant was not effective weeding. I had to get the root out too.

Roots held life and provided the ability to come back from what looked impossible. They were response able.

Root systems were the key part of what made plants resilient. Even from wildly weeding five-year-olds.

Roots stretch deep into darkness, growing around or through obstacles.

Imagine if the first hard clump of dirt made a plant’s roots say, “Oh gosh, this will never work. We best stop right here and try to hang onto and protect as much of the space we are in as possible.”

Roots keep reaching into the unknown. So can we.

Responsibility says we must protect our existing space at all costs.

Response-ability invites us to trust in the face of the unknown, explore deeper, be brave, believing we can adapt to the circumstances we meet along the way.

Roots don’t rush. They grow at their own rates. So can we.

Responsibility says faster, harder, more productivity… what is seen above ground is the only valid measure of success.

Response-ability says intentional, smarter, more creativity… the growth that happens underground is vital to sustained thriving for the long term.

Roots nourish the things they cannot see.

Responsibility can become a badge of honor.

Our culture applauds those who can carry the biggest stack of responsibilities.

How does she do it all?

Spoiler. Usually, she doesn’t. (At least not with her wellbeing intact.)

Social media just rewards expert juggling acts.

(It’s interesting to me, I don’t think I have ever heard, wow— how does he do it all? 🤔)

Roots make it through winter by slowing down.

Roots don’t go completely dormant in cold weather, but their growth slows down considerably.

“Responsibility” pushes through, even when it might be better to pause and embrace the pace of the season.

Response-ability allows for leaning into changing seasons with changing rhythms. In fact, it even celebrates those changes.

Roots thrive in healthy communities.

Mycorrhizal networks connect plants across vast distances.

These rooted networks share nutrients, signal danger, and even make plants less susceptible to diseases.

Responsibility isolates us and inundates us.

Response ability invites us to explore the resilience that comes through supportive, connected relationships.

Friend, you don’t have to do it all.

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You. Don’t. Have. To. Do. It. All.

You don’t have to be the glue that holds everything together.

I know. I’ve been that glue.

And the more I kept trying to “be responsible” for everything going right and working out…

The more responsibility crippled my “ability to respond”.

That led to…

Less creativity.

Less connection.

Less resilience.

Less capacity.

More shrinking.

More stunted growth that prevented me from showing up for my own wellbeing.

It made me less effective.

But when I shifted my mental picture of “being responsible” from carrying around a backpack of responsibilities to rooting my life in the ability to respond with care and intention… everything changed.

Not overnight.

But slowly.

I came back to life again.

Maybe you are in a season where you are surrounded by very real needs.

Or perhaps current events have you feeling overwhelmed and shut down.

Some of you may be grieving the loss of things you didn’t even know you had until they were broken or gone.

The kettle’s on. I’m having strawberry vanilla green tea. But, I have a plethora of options if you’d like something different.

I’m just here to remind you grief is an understandable and healthy response to loss. Feeling overwhelmed. Completely normal. Things are a lot right now.

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

But… what if you didn’t have to worry about having all the right answers? What if you didn’t have to figure out 10 steps ahead?

What if right now is enough? And you can just take a breath. Then another.

Sip some tea. Relax your jaw. Shrug your shoulders.

Realize, deep down in your mitochondria, that carrying an impossible weight of responsibility doesn’t make you more responsible. It just makes you more exhausted.

Beloved, you are responsible because you are able to respond. Full stop.

And everything that helps you respond with wisdom and hope, creativity, kindness, and clarity, joy and empathy— these are the things to hold on to.

Just like roots that soak up all the good, nourishing things the soil has to offer.

As always friends, you are so loved.

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So grateful for each of you, however you engage in this space. Thank you for being here.

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